So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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