He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
