We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
