Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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