My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
