so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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