when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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