So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My bed smells like the plague
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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