NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
