If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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