Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
