I'm lost and stupid without you.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
