walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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