just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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