I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
