Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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