Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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