whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
