this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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