somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
