i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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