if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize