Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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