Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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