Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
