chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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