i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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