Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
