its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
