my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
