Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
