i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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