I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You've changed since you got that strap on
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
