It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
