hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
