duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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