i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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