I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
