At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
