PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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