I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize