Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
