Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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