she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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