well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
