I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
