It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
