my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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