He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
