i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
