.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
