Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize