a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
