Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize