I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
