I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
