I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
