Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
