u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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