True but thats because hes a fetus.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
