My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
