Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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