Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"