this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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