...so i touched it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we're so committed to being not committed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
