So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...