Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.

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  (270): Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile (270): But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird. http://tfl.nu/vi1s
  Replies (1) Good night (860) Bad night (1016)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

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  (734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr
  Replies (8) Good night (1036) Bad night (3230)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY

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  (302): there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY http://tfl.nu/y320
  Replies (22) Good night (4390) Bad night (594)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck

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  (773): i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck http://tfl.nu/4030
  Replies (24) Good night (4836) Bad night (1012)
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  (518): View more from New York

  woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so

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  (518): woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so http://tfl.nu/1jbm
  Replies (6) Good night (7007) Bad night (620)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.

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  (518): Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help. http://tfl.nu/q9on
  Replies (39) Good night (796) Bad night (9178)
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  (818): View more from California

  The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.

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  (818): The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs. http://tfl.nu/zk5x
  Replies (9) Good night (2046) Bad night (3636)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!

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  (903): How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?! http://tfl.nu/tpho
  Replies (19) Good night (1231) Bad night (2436)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.

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  (314): I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate. http://tfl.nu/fw6h
  Replies (12) Good night (2705) Bad night (994)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

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  (660): I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah http://tfl.nu/jyz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2244) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.

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  (765): I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it. http://tfl.nu/7uod
  Replies (9) Good night (1980) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...

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  (+44): I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon... http://tfl.nu/zui4
  Replies (3) Good night (1281) Bad night (1142)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.

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  (941): do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party? (727): Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine. http://tfl.nu/yv6f
  Replies (2) Good night (613) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.

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  (651): Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer. http://tfl.nu/3bgh
  Replies (1) Good night (401) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.

  (845): View more from New York

  you are a goddess

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  (914): this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment. (845): you are a goddess http://tfl.nu/5u6j
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (220)

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