I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
