two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
