also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
