You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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