My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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