Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
