Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
