I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
