Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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