I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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