our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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