The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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