I am spending my child support on dildos
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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