just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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