listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
