Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
