Those balls look pretty dangerous.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
