Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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